this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize