oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
