I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
