I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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