would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
