I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
