matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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