I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
