What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
