I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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