Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He has the fingertips of a God
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