Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
