so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
