i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
