I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
