i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Still dying that you shit outside
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
