Fuck appropriateness.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
