dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
