What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
