arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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