My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
