The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
