I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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