According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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