TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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