i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
