am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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