The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
