She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
