im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
