You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
