I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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