There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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