he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
