____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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