On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
