Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Shame - the story of my life.
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