Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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