you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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