He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
