Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love you.
Bad choice
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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