i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
