my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
