New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
