That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
