there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
