btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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