Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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