my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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