Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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