he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
