Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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