ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize