having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize