there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
