how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
