so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
