yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
