If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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