what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
