how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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