Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize