I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How external is "for external use only"?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
