Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize