I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
