Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
