She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
