he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
