That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
