I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
