Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so explain again why im purple
no
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
