Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
