He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My ATM looks so different sober.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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