she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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