she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize